Batman And Robin

            Well I have to give it to DC comics and Konami, they have created an amazing game, outstanding. Well to a slight degree, actually now that I think of it, I don't know what I was saying. This game was terrible. I mean sure the graphics were good for the time but the storyline is just outstanding in a bad way. Well lets just dive right into the review of batman and robin!

               What we have here is a good idea gone wrong. Batman has never looked so bad, the small un-proportional head and the cape that seems to blow in the wind not mattering whether you are standing indoors or outdoors. The eyes that seem to glow for a reason unknown to us. The enemies don't really make sense at all, and things seem to happen for no apparent reason. Just for the sake of action, things pop out of nowhere. Like your in a store not in the batman costume when suddenly a thug will walk up wearing the trench coat the last thug was wearing... in fact wearing the same face as the last guy I'm sure you killed. Strange eh? anyways, the thug will walk up and start pounding on you for no reason without saying anything, and bam suddenly your in a batman costume fighting people and you just don't know why!

I love how joker stands in a spotlight leaning against a podium

              Well here we have the nice monitor that shows up any "unusual frequencies"? whatever those happen to be. We may have no idea what an "unusual frequency" is, but by god if  there is one, batman sure as hell will pick it up on his little monitor with the red and orange buttons! We have the "bad guy" as joker, who would have thought and he's telling me that I should go to a fairgrounds because he has a little "surprise for me".

           So lets look at the facts, Some guy wearing makeup is telling me that he has a surprise for me at a fairground. He shows no threat to anyone and he hasn't given me any reason to believe he is up to no good. So why go to the fair?? Who cares!!!! We're going anyways and hoping to meet up with random thugs along the way who want to stop me from getting to the fair I was invited to by joker! Nice plot so far eh?

The richest man in the worlds nice little arsenal.

         You know its time to "suit up" so lets have a look at our gear. Since I'm going to meet joker for no reason I can only assume he wants to hurt me. Me being the multi-billionaire Bruce Wayne that I am, I will want to take only the best of equipment! Should I take a little handgun, a knife, a bullet proof vest, some grenades, machine guns ect? Of course not, I'm going to take a little metal throwing star because I think I'm a ninja, I'm going to take a spray gun which is actually mace as you can see in the small pic in the bottom, plastic explosives which really just hit the ground and make a small explosion (you know what these are, they are those little snappers you can buy at a local dime store) and a smoke bomb which causes no loss of vision or even a slight effect on any enemy. Instead it puts a little smoke around them so I cant see them while they beat the crap out of batman. Or I could have taken a gas mask (does nothing in particular since you can walk AROUND smoke), a flashlight (it actually doesn't make seeing better, it just brings up the brightness to a point you can no longer see anything on the screen. and finally the X-ray goggles, I tried them and they didn't seem to do much at all throughout the game.

"Gee, I wonder if this is the right place"

     Well then, isn't this a nice little place. The "bad guy's" now have nice little spots reserved in amusement parks set with random traps and explosives all over the place. Of course no one bothers to notice and even though the joker is clearly the leader of a gang of thugs who do nothing but break the law it would be too hard for the police to find him inside of a funhouse with his picture stapled right above the door. As you can see I am greeted by Harley .Q the psychopath who follows the joker for god knows what reason (maybe its his sweet crib he has there, chicks dig amusement parks!). Incase I missed the place he had her waiting outside to say nothing but "Welcome to The Joker's Funhouse" just to reassure us that we have actually reached the funhouse of the joker.

He enjoys long walks on the beach and poking people with his stick

             Once inside I was greeted by a bunch of dice to walk on and teddy bears every other pillar inside of the house. I would occasionally come up to a thug who would star hitting me but its O.K. because I had mace to spray them in the faces with. Once sprayed they would just fall over as though they were dead, but alas they would get up again after a few seconds and keep fighting. A bit farther inside the fun house I found myself face to face with a giant toy soldier with a knife on a stick (I'm assuming they tried to make a gun?) and he would walk back and forth and poke the stick forwards. In order to hurt him batman would run up the stick and kick him in the head, over and over until the head exploded and I was congratulated for killing the giant toy.

Well it was worth a shot anyways

        Well I found the joker and what better to use than a nice cliché line such as "I've found you, Joker. Surrender quietly!" when all the joker really is guilty of is inviting Batman over his house for tea, then batman comes in and starts breaking his giant toys and beating up his henchmen. So batman assumes that it would just be so easy for him to walk in, kill a few people, kick a toy soldier in the face, and arrest joker... even though batman has no real authority. If I were joker I would call the police, either that or shoot batman, but NOOO joker has something else up his sleeves...

"I dont think I can fit"

       Jokers secret plan was to jump onto his roller coaster he owns for some strange reason and start riding, luckily for batman there was a second train behind it he could use to catch up to joker. The problem is joker has unlimited amounts of bombs (I wont ask) and he kept throwing them backwards at batman, even if batman could jump out of the way (he jumps around 2 feet high {I think its the leather suit})
it doesn't matter because right on the ground comes a second bomb, making it nearly impossible to catch up with the joker and take him down. The other strange part is in order to jump on this train and get it going he had to turn on the switch to make it start. This switch was within inches of the same switch operating Jokers cart, but what's the fun in just stopping him and maybe spraying mace in his eyes!

             Well it looks like the end for our superhero (even though we have 3 credits left) I think we will just shut down the game and forget any of this ever happened, for our own good.... Thank you for playing with us and be sure to go out and buy yourself a copy of "Batman and Robin" for super Nintendo! Sold at a game store near you for around $.50.

Be sure to visit ska-world again for our next review of a classic game!